gettin high

It was a normal day.I as usual was sitting idle at my place trying to figure how to make my life an organized one.
Sitting on the chair,when i heard the door bell...i wasnt quite sure if it was a friend of mine or not.
but wateva....i heard a similar voice...saying namaste aantie.

nd i was quite sure at that time who he was.

so came up to me asking, "wats up dude.... aivien bongeya di tarah kyu baitha ae"
i jus smiled nd said...aivien yaar...bore ho gaye.
The next half an hour we chatted...nd then he offered me to accompany him to his place.

i wasnt in a mood...or maybe lazy...but u know these frnz...they're gonna keep blabbering nd trying to convince me.....
so i finally was up..changed, nd went cycling along with him.

We went to his place...nd were lying on different beds....wen he suddenly came up with the most wicked plan.
he said,"dude,wtf, um sick of this bored life....let's get high"

i was half bored nd wasnt listening to him much. But as i heard the word "high"

i looked at him as if he had kicked on my innards.....i was astonished nd hyper.
but after a fifteen minute discussion on the right age to get high..... i was convinced enough to try it once...(its easy to convince me... especially when it comes to something adventurous :P)

Ok ...so we set out to sector 35 fr a game of pool(which in the end proved to be a 2-hour pool session!)

and after that...it was around 7 o'clock in the evening nd we went out fr the final show!


he took all the things ....drove to his place.
i had my first sip of beer.... nd realized that i would better have a garlic than to have the next sip!

so damn weird was the taste.

but my frnd said....no dude...continue..u'd love it wen u get high.

so there was i sitting on a couch having the weirdest drink ever made...jus to fuckin get high once.

i drank my first glass(but i dint get high :( ).... i have to have that feeling.... pour in some more,i said drifting my glass towards him.
Not here... he said.

let's get to terrace.
nd so i found myself sitting there...holding my second glass.
i lost count of glasses in an hour or something...bottles were lined up in frnt of me(4 in total)
nd 2 of them were empty.

i dint feel like i was high,at this point too :P
but yeah..i felt i was acidified from inside....nd at that point he offered me a fag.
i din know how was i supposed to take it in.... but i tried it like sanjay dutt!
i dint take it down in my lungs..as they say it was harmful(as if they prefer drinking nd smoking..haah!)

there was i lying on the terrace without any sense,fagging nd boozing.

my eyes were reddening, heart-beat increasing a bit,head felt so heavy,fingers nd toes were cold... nd i feeling like um floating in the sky!
so in layman language i was jus getting high!

I feel

I have never been in so much love with anyone....missing someone so much isn't my way.
I like to be practical at most of my times(i know most of u r laughing on this cuz i never appear practical in the blog!...lollz)
But its nt that...i blog whenever i feel sad...nd as i said in the latest posts....that cuz no-one listens to me.
nd maybe cuz no-one understands me too.
But whenever the sun sets...night comes...i behave weird nd i start feeling for her...i feel that um losing her...maybe some of my friends would steal her from me.
I keep asking myself...what if she falls in love with someone else?
what if i lose her totally?...nd what if she isn't missing me? what if "the right time" fr me doesnt ever come?
But then, um reminded of all the troubles i have been through... all the silliest fight i've fought in the last 3 months of my life..... i forget the tears of the beginning, which dropped frm my eyes reading the texts she sent me.
but i remember the tears born cuz of her(or maybe me) in the last 2-3 days.


The lights of my room are off, my breakfast has been lying on the table from the last 40 minutes.... but i dont feel like switchin on the lights or getting my favorite paneer ka parauntha(beautifully lying in the plate with a big chunk or makhan) into me.

i dont feel anythin... no no no...i dont want to make her cry again by getting hyper...i dont want her to go to others to share our fights....nd get guided by them.

i want that same girl as she was in december. Not talkin to anyone but me...waiting fr me to come online..calling me whenever she was sad. laughing with me.

Talkin to her at that time was just like getting high....it felt good...i forgot all the things i was supposed to do.... work,study,exercise nd everything.

i was spending every hour of my day talkin to her....listening to her sexy voice, sensing her deep feelings for me...sharing everythin with her.

Every secret disclosed.... because she was just the type of girl i have wanted.


But.... its all over now.
i cant hear the same voice laughing, crying thinking that we cant ever meet.
Tears roll down my cheeks listening to Atif, nd comparing the lyrics to my life.
i dont feel like listening to rock now...
i have always been a great fan of rock genre of music...but i dont feel like rocking anymore....

cuz i've lost something precious of my life..... nd i feel like crying on it.

But....its no point crying too.
i know she'll have a new life in this month or next nd forget me....nd i'll lie here thinking of the best moments(that we could never spend together)

Planning of what would i do when i see her(which,practically speaking,is never possible)

But maybe,maybe someday,sometime, my wishes would come true....
or....maybe i'll die dreaming of her nd wanting her more nd more everyday.


Love you loads....

No-one.....

Hey guys.... wassup!.... howz it goin?.... good,i hope.


actually blogging wasn't my cup of tea...until recently, i found out tht there's no one to hear u except ur Blog ;)

Today, as i write this entry,i think that how many of u (if there r any at all!) would be thinking that y am i always so low while writing!..lollz

well, at this point of time, i remember what bro said the other day..... "no one has the time to blog wen he/she's happy!!!!"
My PC says its 12:48PM nd my player is playing aasma's 'tumse hi pyar' a good track.


My mood isn't that great right now... um actually bored of everything... orkut, surfing, games nd have nothin to do at all.

i cnt find a single person to chat with nd share my feelings with in my list.

Songs keep changing, mum keeps screaming, the fone keeps ringing.... but jus don feel like doin anythin...
Boooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggg


See, My bro's here...nd wont allow me to complete the post even.

huh... everyone hates me.... nd ..As if i care.....

IMP

This is important ppl.

anythin that is in this blog is strictly me talkin to myself...its isnt fr anyone/thing.

who's she?

Its not that i love her or something.... its not that i do anything less than love... but still i hate it when i see her flirting... i dunno y... i hate it when she doesnt reply..nd i hate it when she doesnt talk to me the way she talks to others.

In my mind...i jus have a feeling that she is a good friend...nd i won tell her what i feel.
but is it jus another case of love?... or is it something else?

wouldi end up proposing her?... or would i know wat she has for me in the end?
would she also think that she loves me?... nd if she does.... y dont i trust her?

No, it cant be love... cuz love has trust.... understanding.... which we both dont have...she'd talk to anyone(nd especially flirt with anyone around except me)

i've known her for a long time... but i never guess i've had her flirt with me.

but y do i care?

if she's just another frnd...y would i jus care.... or is she not a friend?..is she more to me?

i don know... but i leave these ques. for the future to answer...but until the future answers.... would i be not sleeping like tonight... would i be hating wenever i get to know frm someone that she flirts with them....

if yes, then y?.. who is she?...what is she to me?

My love...or just another person in my life?

Wen we meet

I want her, I need her...and someday, some way, I'll meet her

She'll be kinda shy....nd real good lookin too....nd yea, I'll be certain she's my girl..

like walkin' in the rain nd wishin' on the stars up above nd that'd be the feelin of being in love
When she'd near me, I'll kiss her.....nd when she leaves me, I'll miss her
Though sometimes we'll fight nd i'd not prack her...cuz i know she loves me so much nd she would be alright in an hour or two :P....... Cause we got so much to share

She'll be cuter than the average girl i see.... nd would be lovely to keep looking at.

Though i'd make it sure that she doesnt get bored :P..... i'll love her....love her with all my heart.
nd she wont be one of those temporary-girls of mine.

but she'd be one angel...who'd take away my breath... nd leave me wanting her more.....


um eagerly waiting to meet her sometime... nd wen i do...i'll make sure to post bout the best day of my life... :)

title doesnt matter!

I have been searching of that LOVE all my life...{Nd before anyone of u starts takin hints,um not at all one of the despo kinds....}
Its just that i love love!....nd i love being in love.

As most of u dont know that um damn unpredictable.
i can wish of being single wen i have a partner nd i can wish of having someone who loves me wen um single.

Um not one of those who'll keep following the suit nd sit in peace.
i eagerly search for satisfaction nd peace in my life....
nd mostly my posts show that...i start with somethin nd end at something else...
I actually sat tonight thinking of posting something fr my love(known love or unknown....this is yet unknown!)

but wateva...um determined to write fr my dreamgirl(I seriously dont remember the face :|)



How is it possible,my love, that i havent ever seen you nd still i feel ur pain?
confusing is this love..nd confusing is our story.... though u never come in reality...u always stop me frm getting serious with anyone....
y do i feel that u need me....damn!...y do i come online wenever i feel like meeting u!!!

ur strange, my love, cuz u never come and meet me... nd ur unique too, cuz i write fr u everyday.
Y do i flirt when ur still their in my dreams? nd y am i not studying at this time?
y dont u jus........

i've seen u sad fr me..... but y?
oh baby.... just look into my eyes..once.
jus give all ur worries to me...and then smile .... bring that smile on ur face which made me fall in love with u at day 1. Bring that smile which makes me fall in love with you every time i see u.

i cnt live now....i cnt...when ur not with me.
this is when i sit in my room thinking of u...killing the time nd gradually making the hours disapper...nd then i wish to enter that world...in which u live in.....nd i open my arms...to welcome u.

its all to the hilt now.
My heart beats with ur thoughts.... honey um mad to see u now.

i can leave my world to come to u....nd live with u.

But then... maybe i cant meet u in this real world...or maybe i can....let's see wat destiny has in store fr us...