Of myriad musings

Okay it has been light-years since I last posted, (kindly note that light-year is a unit of distance, but you know what I mean, right?), and I don’t even have an excuse, that is, if being miserably busy doesn’t count: P

Okay I’ve been walking around the world thinking and talking to myself since I was a 3rd grader (yes, that’s when I realized that um a day dreamer).

And recently this activity is all what I do in my leisure time. I dunno if I’ve ever told u guy(s) about my new job. Notice that I used brackets with ‘s’ for the reasons that you and I both know!

So there’s this new job and I finally have a life, I go to my office, sit down, type my hands out, with lips sealed together (not with someone, I wish!), and then come home eat, read something and then sleep. But my Big B wouldn’t agree with that cuz there’s a lot of stuff except my routine that I do, which includes fighting with him to surf the net for some time and whining about him (to myself only).

And then I keep thinking of the girl I want in my life.

Right now, um like Will Smith in hitch’s first 15-20 minutes. I know everything about how to get a girl to ask me out, but I just don’t seem to stick to one defined constant.

It pisses me off more n more every minute that I have been in relationship with almost every kind of girl trying to fall in love, or better still, trying to continue the r/ship for a couple of months, and I still don’t cease to eliminate my habit of changing environments, or in this case, changing girls.

Now I am not a pig, who dates girls in proliferation, okay? I am solicitous. And that too, to the highest degree. But um just a normal guy who loses interests very easily. I really respect girls and their feelings and all the jazz and I do not break up until something unavoidable shows up. But, where am I supposed to find someone really interesting?

I have a ‘sheet’ that has a list of qualities I like in a girl, and unfortunately the list keeps changing every now and then. Not my fault again, mood swings.. my brain’s got a point, right?!

Okay what else? Yea, um a terrible conversationalist and I can’t just make small talk or any talk for that matter. So, that pretty much explains that why am I WRITING instead of talking to my friends here in educorp in my break time.
I guess, my Tiffin’s here.

I’ll scoot.. can’t miss yummy food for a anything!
Ciyah and try and second me on my opinions so that I don’t feel lonely.. not that I don’t feel good on being unique :D, but still.

PS: When I say I try to fall in luv, that doesn’t mean ‘try to FALL IN LOVE’, hell I fall in love every morning with atleast 20 girls on my way to office. But fall in luv as in .. staying in luv :P

Hola!

Hola! Okay it’s been a long time since I last wanted to type something out.
Well... um not much of a talker as u know, so I don’t really need to blurt out things which don’t make sense. And I like my space.
Sitting quiet, in a room full of ppl isn’t much of a tiring job. But I kinda have a liking for it.. thinking what they’d be thinking and figuring things out by looking at their expressions :P
It’s a fun job u know.
Oh yea.. speaking of job, I have this whole new ‘job’ which pays me a mere 4 grands (I excluded 500 cuz that’s how much I spend on the conveyance in a month, so yea.)
All I have to do is type stuff that freaks the hell out of me except if it’s English, which of course I love.
But CAT’s exam maker guys don’t use much user-friendly English. I keep wondering why is there a need to use such high brow words, if all u want to do is convey feelings to the readers?
Though I am in love with the language and I try to learn all the new words and all, which btw, I keep forgetting cuz of the tiny brains that I have. No offense to me, but that’s how it is!
None taken, carry on!
Ohkay.. so what else do I do except typing the hell out of this poor keyboard?
Well, I sit IDLE!
Yep.. I mean I know I can surf the net and all.. but I don’t feel like.
I mean at home I can practice for the SAT exams on the net use that CD and listen to some music in my vella time (Which, btw, I don’t have any more.) Thanks to this 9 to 8 job.. Urghhh!
So what else?
What else.. ummm.. yeah.. I don’t wanna crib and all.. cuz um gonna be making at least SOME money after this month and so on n forth, but still.. I don’t have time for my social life (Haah.. yea right!)
No seriously now, I know um not that social.. but I have frnz dude!
I missed my frnz’ bday party the other day.I can’t meet the only school friend that I have and the worst part?
She’s leaving in 10 days. We used to have lunch together and all.
But now.. I don’t even have lunch.. Not that I don’t have time and all.. I’ve plenty of time.
But u won’t go outside and eat alone, right?
Besides its major kadki time, My cell wouldn’t be recharged until I get my sal.. yeah.. supportive parents nd bro I have got!
Hmmm… so about the rain now. The rain dint stop me from coming to this paradise, my work (that is, if u still haven’t figured out what um referring to!)

I am mega bored since morning, but there’s good news, I just got to know that I can issue books. Yipppeeeeeee!!
Now that’s not such a happy news if u look at it with a certain perspective, cuz they don’t have more than around 50 books here. (Like I’ll read all of em in the span of my LIFETIME!)
But still, they don’t have the books that I really want to read, u know, so yea.

Okay I don’t know where it comes from but I’ve been humming this quote/phrase/extract, call it whatever u will, since morning, which, by god, can offend anyone!
Here it goes,
DON’T LET ‘EM BASTARDS KEEP YOU,
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS JUST SMILE N SAY, “FUCK YOU!”

PS: this was written almost a month back

YUM BACK!!!

okay hello guys.

I know its been so long ... nd um sorry. i have lost contact with almost all of my blog buddies..due to the sickening windows/linux/OSX crashes that my presario faces plus the consistent seminars nd animation stuff.

And well.. i took aquick look on my blogposts today nd i laughed at em!!

okay..so what have i missed? X-mas... new year. ... hooh alot!

x-mas was normal... wanted to buy this santa cap ..which i was in love with.
they were selling at all the lights here. But i was too lazy to go and buy em.

nd unlike previous years i dint buy a x-mas tree too. Its so kiddish plus i think i have grown up..heheh

At the night i saw some movies.. monster house, the jacket, smoking aces.. ALOT of movies.

That was a good day :)


Nd well then the big day came. i was planning to go for the party my mates had organized ... but my playlist dint let me go off my bed.

I saw SAW that night.
Actually um at a stage of life when i want to do everything that i fear.. hehe

Um so scared of horror/Violent flicks ... but on the new yr eve i planned to watch em all.

30 nights of the month something/ saw/ hostel.. hostel 2 was kinda more scary.. hehe. dint watch it.

but the night was fun.

no lights in the room.. all alone watching the deadliest movies.. hehe

okay then the next day i started preparing for this graphic design competition (Fist ever i participated in) ... wasnt much fun .. less competition. but yeah..i won the second prize... DAYUM!!!

nd the cherry on the cake... received applauds from MCM girls... hehe.. thank you thank you... i know its exciting!!

So all in all the time till now was fun.

ohhhhh and yeaaaaahh...

I got this charre wali gunnnnnnnnnn...


Um so much in love with it... i try to shoot everything.. heheh.. making targets and all..

i got it day before yeaterday i guess and i've lost half of my chharre :((

nyway... um blahblahing alot. FOR A CHANGE..hehehe

um so happy to be back.. i'll make new frnz nd refresh the old ones.. heheh...

current song-- zombie..
i wonder y this aantie is screaming zombie zombie.. hehe

the song is good... mast ae.

anyway.. u guys take care.. nd happy blogging :)

There's no such thing!!!!

awite... enough of crying nd cribbing about her.

its time t face the reality. its time i become of the gender um supposed to be.

awitte so..

listen up mates... um seriously gonna talk sense now.

so first things first.

There is no such THING as love.There's no such THING as passion.There's no such THING as attraction..or lust.
okay...if u feel like closing the page... just try nd pay some attention.

Um not saying that guys (or chicks for that matter) dont experience STATES of attraction love or lust.What exactly um trying to tell here is that these states are processes that take place inside human mind nd body.

nd so what i mean is that these states

CAN BE CREATED ND DIRECTED ACCORDING TO WISH.
nd i guess to explain this in a better way..i'd have to tell u guys about something that i came across once.

awite fine.. so here's an example.

'FALLING IN LOVE'
Ok. Since um being pretty general and theoretical let's get a bit more specific and talk about what every woman dreams about... well.. Falling In love.

Okay now based on what I've said so far., do you think i believe that "love" is based on some mysterious "chemistry" that flows between 2 ppl? Maybe it's caused by a butt naked Little chump named CUPID(who i claim to be my best frnd) who shoots an arrow into your ass?

No, Here's how ppl fall in love: First, understand you do NOT fall in love with someone when you in their presence. No. You fall in love when you're off by yourself, thinking about them afterwards. This is why it is so hypnotically powewrful, because you are doing it to yourself, and ppl are always their best hypnotists.

here's how it happens: You go out with someone, maybe even one date. And then you go home, and you're lying there, thinking about them. And, you FORM AN IMAGE of them in your mind. And as you do that, you start to list yo yourself all the qualities about them that you like, "She's so, She's so, She's Damn..blah blah" Maybe then you Picture you and them having lots of fun in all sorts of situations. Then you get the warm, funny feeling right in your solar plexus, and then, the nail in your coffin, you say her name 2-3 times to yourself. And if you're really a geek, maybe you even dance around the house singing it. Or you possibly go about bringing up her name in almost every frigging conversation u have.

Hmmmm.. so this sounds familiar ... eh? Now, as you recall the times in your in your past when you did this, were you then able to stay cool, in control of yourself and the r/ship? Or were you calling her every day, always wanting to see her , and eager to kiss her ass, to the point where she, of course, dropped you?

Here's the point: 'Love' is a process ppl do to themselves. It's not a "thing" you trip over or a "hole" you fall into. And i know, even tough um not there watching you, that as i describe it here on blogger , you recalled and went through that process yourself,and recalled the feelings associated with it. And just the way.. i made u go through that process... without even being with u, then even u can. if u you know how, skillfully describe this (or any other) process to a woman in your presence, link it to yourself, and in a matter of minutes, cause her.....

UNDERGO THATPROCESS AND FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU ON THE SPOT, WINKEY!!!

People usually love animals.. maybe it's justified.

Cuz Animals are so much easier to understand than humans.

If an animal doesn’t like you it will bite you. But humans will get as close to you as possible even if it takes months and then when the time is right they will destroy you utterly..

PS: I don't like dogs... bad experience.

They say "....and they both fell in love"
This 'fell' is cuz.. love is an ocean.
I can tell u. cuz i too fell in the ocean... actually we both fell.
The thing is that.. she got to the shore.. nd i drowned there.. waiting for her..nd expecting her to come back.
I heard today that she again has fallen in that ocean. i pity her partner. nd at the same time feel jealous cuz he's having the best of his times.

The wait.

My wait hasn't ended. My eyes still long for you. the feelings in your heart went away with the winters. Its funny how your feelings change like the seasons. Every day seems like the last day of my life... i feel like someone on the deathbed. God knows where i went wrong... cuz we have gradually lost touch...

My friends still tease me with ur name.. i laugh.. but my eyes still long....

I wonder if its pleasing for you to see me all messed up.. mad in ur love.
You spoiled the word 'love' and i lost respect for it.
I cry aloud ur name... Cuz actually... i cant do anything more :(

relevance??!?

The Kyurius Design yatra,round trip to Goa was a real good deal.....


cheap, tempting and now,
unavailable.
sounds like someone else
I know.

Insomniac WAS the new word for me.
I had actually started behaving like one. Talking over the phone all night long.And having the time of my life.
Mum thought i was going mad... talking to myself... nd smiling all day long. Had to charge my cellphone all day long. Sms packs knew no count. The nights passed just so easily. Smiling, talking, giggling, and loving.
In the evening, i still remember, i'd go swinging my arms like a kid. Yeah... that's the word.. A kid!

I actually turned into a kid.. suddenly thinking that everyone loves me and all... being happy nd smiling nd dancing my days.

And the so called flirt morphed into a committed lover!

But the fact that almost killed me was... the SHE realized that she was a kid when she said she loves me. It was an immature decision.

Ah... My honey dint understand... she dint know ... that we lovers... we lovers are immature and kiddish throughout our life.

Cuz wen it comes to love... its all about losing your maturity....

i am immature.. and that's y um typing this!!

i am immature... and maybe that's why i have loved u till now..

and maybe.. i'll keep loving u.. i'll be immature all my life... whenever it comes to u... :(




Insomniac IS the new word for me.
I have actually started behaving like one. Crying with the phone in hand all night long.And expecting her to call up... or even msg.
Mum doesn't know that um going mad... talking to myself... nd sobbing all day long. I dont even know where my phone is right now. I don't even get it recharged... i don't feel like talking to anyone. The nights just refuse to pass. Lying, thinking and crying silently.

And the so called Lover morphed into a blogger.........

Why is it...

Why is it.. that i mailed her the other day?
why is it... that i she did reply?
why is it... that we became frnz?
why is it... that we talked to each other like crazy?
why is it... that i asked fr her number?
why is it... that she called me up?
why is it... that we became more than frnz?
why is it...
that i asked her out?
why is it... that she agreed?
why is it... that she broke my trust?
why is it... i dint value her?
why is it... that i loved her so much?
why is it... that i never realized it was all fake?
why is it... that i still do love her?
why is it... that she has so many ppl like me in her life?
nd i have none like her?

Why does it happen?.. y am i even typing this weird piece?
y am i even uploading this text?
y do i feel like i dont have a life?
y is it that my frnz ditch me?
y is it that i dont sleep at nights?
nd y the hell am i stuck to blogger and orkut?
nd hell.. the damned sad songs????!!!!

urghhhhhhhhhhhh.

Pyar

Oh rabh vargeya sajna teh
si rabh varga aitbar sanu .....
par eh dhokha karkey yaara nal
gai jaundeya nu hi maar sanu .........
tera saha vich si sah lainda
ik pal vi dhoori ni jarda si ......
sach puchey ta man badal geya
teinu pyar bathera karda si ......
sach puchey ta man badal geya
teinu pyar bathera karda si ......



sadey hasey kohkey laigey tu
asi sari zindagi rohva gey .....
jo daag wafa nu laiya tu
asi hanjua de nal tohva gey .....
ohaio galan murey ah gayiah
jehdia galan toh dil darda si .....
sach puchey ta man badal geya
teinu pyar bathera karda si .......

Source : Dev dhillon (Pyar)

Till u said....

Well,I never really knew you till you said goodbye..You said it's finally over, here's the reasons why..

You said you've heard enough of all those little lies


I thought I made you happy but you've proved me wrong

I thought I was the one that really made your day.
When I see ur fone's engaged ... nd that ur busy talkin to someone other.. i feel like killin myself.

I guess gettin' over me didn't take you long... yeah.. nd y would it take long?.. after all.. there wasnt anything called love b/w us.


No I never really knew you till you said goodbye...

The soul's out there waiting .... the body's here.. lying, drowning in alcohol ... trying to live...

The hours that passed talking to u... now find me walking on the roads fagging nd hiding my tears.

i dont have no control... over me.. my dose of beer.. the fags.. my eyes which long to see ur pic.
no-one t wipe off my tears no one to understand wat um going through.

i luv u nd i miss u...

I got over you...i got rid of your memories. All the videos nd pics... nd ur mails.
Your number .... ur msgs.... everything associated with you.... almost.

The only thing that i cant get over is still left... left in my mind... the night u said that "YES"

Maybe i have a loads of frnz to help me get over u... but again... um just so alone within.


Just your YES i cant get over.....
i tried hard.. but it stayd...it stayed in my mind to make me remember everything i tried to forget.

Ah... i dunno wat i became...I feel just like that wish... that was never granted........ in ur luv...
I feel just like that wish... that was never granted....
seems i asked more than what i deserved... but then.. what did i ask at all?.. to leave me amidst... amidst all these circumstances... that saw me all changed?

These wounds u gave me... they have healed... almost....

But your YES makes them fresh.. nd i cnt ignore em.

In this heart... many memories have stayed... nd left.
Its just YOUR love.. the time we spent talking.. the fun we had.... Its still there in my heart... buried deep somewhere...

When you talk of your present happy life.. i miss th best time of my life... The time i spent talking to you... walking with u... holding you.....
The day u agreed... nd laughed watching me go crazy.... the days i spent rehearsing those three words to myself...

the day i heard those 3 magical words from you... the time when we cried together cuz we couldnt meet.

The time u asked me not to go ..anywhere.. not to hang up... cuz u wanted to hear my voice...

Honey...um still there... Its u who has left... its u who changed ......

...........

No pressure at my neck.
Just the look on his face,
One I've seen too many times,
And the angle of his arm.
I look down, and what I see barely registers.
A glint of silver,
The sudden flicker of knowledge,
The feeling of trust as I don't think.
I only act. One flick and I prove the blade at my collar isn't sharp,
At the risk of my tongue.
But I knew it wouldn't be.
The look, half unsurprised half annoyed, on his face is perfect,
Caught in the street light,
And I can't help but smile. All the times there's been a blade to my neck,
Always wielded by a friend,
The times it's drawn blood, the times it hasn't...
I don't even flinch any more.
And as I walk, happily pinning him, I can't help but note There's only one difference between then and now.
I know my knife carrier won't hurt me in the now.
And it brightens my step a little more.

Who to blame?

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, un-forgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.




Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.

Another meaningless crappy mail....

Feb 8, 2007 10:16 AM

love on the internet.....dnt miss a single word honey....


Though I wasn't looking for anyone new,
One day I got e- mail and in it was you.
Charming, sensitive and so debonair,
I strongly resisted it go anywhere.

But letters and stories captured my heart,
Filled me with passion almost from the start.
Love on the Internet, how could it be?
These things just don't happen to people like me.

But doves and butterflies flew into our lives,
Carrying messages we could not deny.
Each person has meaning and love to express,
And we could deny our hearts nothing less.

It's a beautiful love that has grown between us,
Something beyond any words we discuss.
Much deeper than LOL, cyber kisses and such,
Far down to our souls, beyond human touch.

My love's not confined by what it can see,
I feel you, I taste you, I experience your dream.
Close my eyes, and I envision what in my heart I can hear,
"Love knows no boundaries, no distance, no fear."

It's the soul that captures God's love in a way
That eternally melts hearts together to stay.
Fused and sealed forever as one,
Love has its way and new life is begun.

Feb 8, 2007 10:04 AM

....now dis is d 1 expressing my true feelings,though it aint written by me...but still d feelings r mine.....



I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories
that would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
and give love another try
So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
But I'll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember one thing
I Love You!

Just today... i surfed my box.. nd found a millions of these...
Of course i did drop a tear..or maybe more.
There was a time when each one of these were so important for me. Every mail... the very sight of a mail from you made me crazy...
But today... wen i see my starred mail list...
i find crap... total crap of 150 MB....

Darkens...

The moon is only half full...like my smile is half real
My head is still filled with the memories of you....that brought me so much joy then so much pain

the tears arent mine...but yours and the stars fall from my sky
as if to tell me...that there's nothing I can do......but sit back and watch them fall

and as much as I reach to you the sky gets darker the moon just gets smaller....until I cant even fake a smile

The Refused

He sits in the park when its dark, cribs about his life to himself ... switches off his cell phone so that no one could disturb him.
He wants to be alone, away from this mad world.... the world which never tried to understand him.
The world which exploited him. The world where he feels like hell.
The place where no-one belongs to him.
The place.... where he is the one who is REFUSED..