Darkens...

The moon is only half full...like my smile is half real
My head is still filled with the memories of you....that brought me so much joy then so much pain

the tears arent mine...but yours and the stars fall from my sky
as if to tell me...that there's nothing I can do......but sit back and watch them fall

and as much as I reach to you the sky gets darker the moon just gets smaller....until I cant even fake a smile

The Refused

He sits in the park when its dark, cribs about his life to himself ... switches off his cell phone so that no one could disturb him.
He wants to be alone, away from this mad world.... the world which never tried to understand him.
The world which exploited him. The world where he feels like hell.
The place where no-one belongs to him.
The place.... where he is the one who is REFUSED..

I don't really want to say goodbye....I don't really want to leave you.....
But now I have to go away.......Stay away from you forever

What we had was never special to you...

But now I have to go away... *sob*
And leave you from my heart... cuz maybe u dont deserve me...

Nd i bet u'll feel ditched again.... but then..no Vishaal wud be there to help u...
ah..no :(.

maybe i'll stil help u..but still i'll have no respect fr u...nd fr the girls of ur
kind..
i wont be as nice as i was... ever...

Cuz being nice hurts...hurts like hell... nd yea.. dont tell me that u dont know
how to flirt...cuz in that case...u'll have a live example contradicting...

Cnt frget you... cnt love you...nd cnt even hate u... cnt even get over you :(

u have made me helpless.. but this is a test.. that i have to pass...

i let u go...cuz i thought if u ever were made fr me...
u'll be turning back... with a lil hope in my love.... i do believe...


But on the same time i pray to god.... that u never feel the pain u gave me...
nd um happy to se ur happy.

these mixed feelings wont take me anywhere... nd i still guess... i'd win this war.

But who cares!

U never did love me..

U can tell me... u love me,
U can tell me... u care,
But I can never trust u,
No not again...

U broke my heart,
Left it shattered.
And then u walked away.
U left me speechless what could I say�

U said u would never leave me,
That u loved me forever.
But now I know the truth,
U loved me never.....

Wat am i left with?

Laying on my chair... with headfones stuck in my ears.. eyes closed... no light will i see.
I think of the best moments of my life...
I think that u've been playing all around with hearts... u've been playing with my trust... Just cuz i become so weak in front of u... Just like a slave for you...
Um getting high on thoughts.. of u... ur fav clothes...ur fav foods......which u made me learn...
The way you looked at me..drove me crazy... the feeling of being on cloud nine everytime u smiled....
the times we saw the sun setting.. the times we actually LIVED..
The times when u said u were immature...
the times i hugged u when u cried.... the times i fought for u... the times u felt low...

But..as i open my eyes.. i find nothing around me.. no one infact.
Have i lost everyone?... or is it that u have made me a social retard?

All's gone now... all love.. all the beautiful rains... all the green nd sweet evenings.. all friends..
all parties....

What am i left with?
Just a pad to write my own story?
Or all the horns nd pains nd invisible wounds on my heart?

YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ME.... I KNOW YOU'LL MISS ME......

Ur lovely lips... when i touched em with mine,i felt like i was in heaven.
The stars came falling down like the rains.. and it felt like god was delighted to see us together...as if we were one of the most elegant couples he that he created.....
The day is still fresh in my mind and i still relish the moments we spent together...
But today,as i watch the ppl walking around me talking to their partners...i feel i lack someone..
Ur not here... nd it feels nothing's here... nd there's somethin in my heart that makes me feel lonely... lonely among the hundreds of people walking in couples... i certainly do miss you... nd um so sure that wouldn't have gotten anyone better than me...
Even u would go to places where we met secretly...nd where we spent the best momens of our life....
I know my thoughts wont leave your mind....nd ur heart(if u have one) even u would wake up at nights nd remember our late nights fone calls... you'll remember the times we walked with hands in hands... nd the rainy days when we played with water...
You'll never be out of my memories nd whenever you'll miss me .... you'll ask everyone around to leave you alone nd u'll cry ...but then...you wont get someone like me to hold you nd make you happy.... you'd have no-one to thank for making you feel better... u'll feel poisoned nd you wont find a reason to live... your eyes would fall short of tears nd ur heart of emotions... but

YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ME.... I KNOW YOU'LL MISS ME......

Sitting on this bench,with sun rays making their way from the leaves that are still green and highlighting most of the parts of my face... a park in my sector where i dont see any mammal of nature... except for that rikshaw puller sleeping in the shade about a 100 mts away from me.


I look up to the sun, the big ball of fire.... and it feels like it shed all its rays on me only.... urging me to go back to my place.... but i stare up... um blinded for some time.
I wonder why is everyone.... rushing through the times... not observing the beauty nature...busy in earning money.... and the only peace i find is while my sessions of day dreaming... and i beg ppl not to ever wake me up from my dreams.... i want to see myself in a less anxious world... a world where no-one works from 9 to 7 to have some shitty salary.... a world where me and friends could find sometime to watch all things that don't matter.... a world where ppl have time to come in that park and talk 'n' walk their tensions....

gettin high

It was a normal day.I as usual was sitting idle at my place trying to figure how to make my life an organized one.
Sitting on the chair,when i heard the door bell...i wasnt quite sure if it was a friend of mine or not.
but wateva....i heard a similar voice...saying namaste aantie.

nd i was quite sure at that time who he was.

so came up to me asking, "wats up dude.... aivien bongeya di tarah kyu baitha ae"
i jus smiled nd said...aivien yaar...bore ho gaye.
The next half an hour we chatted...nd then he offered me to accompany him to his place.

i wasnt in a mood...or maybe lazy...but u know these frnz...they're gonna keep blabbering nd trying to convince me.....
so i finally was up..changed, nd went cycling along with him.

We went to his place...nd were lying on different beds....wen he suddenly came up with the most wicked plan.
he said,"dude,wtf, um sick of this bored life....let's get high"

i was half bored nd wasnt listening to him much. But as i heard the word "high"

i looked at him as if he had kicked on my innards.....i was astonished nd hyper.
but after a fifteen minute discussion on the right age to get high..... i was convinced enough to try it once...(its easy to convince me... especially when it comes to something adventurous :P)

Ok ...so we set out to sector 35 fr a game of pool(which in the end proved to be a 2-hour pool session!)

and after that...it was around 7 o'clock in the evening nd we went out fr the final show!


he took all the things ....drove to his place.
i had my first sip of beer.... nd realized that i would better have a garlic than to have the next sip!

so damn weird was the taste.

but my frnd said....no dude...continue..u'd love it wen u get high.

so there was i sitting on a couch having the weirdest drink ever made...jus to fuckin get high once.

i drank my first glass(but i dint get high :( ).... i have to have that feeling.... pour in some more,i said drifting my glass towards him.
Not here... he said.

let's get to terrace.
nd so i found myself sitting there...holding my second glass.
i lost count of glasses in an hour or something...bottles were lined up in frnt of me(4 in total)
nd 2 of them were empty.

i dint feel like i was high,at this point too :P
but yeah..i felt i was acidified from inside....nd at that point he offered me a fag.
i din know how was i supposed to take it in.... but i tried it like sanjay dutt!
i dint take it down in my lungs..as they say it was harmful(as if they prefer drinking nd smoking..haah!)

there was i lying on the terrace without any sense,fagging nd boozing.

my eyes were reddening, heart-beat increasing a bit,head felt so heavy,fingers nd toes were cold... nd i feeling like um floating in the sky!
so in layman language i was jus getting high!

I feel

I have never been in so much love with anyone....missing someone so much isn't my way.
I like to be practical at most of my times(i know most of u r laughing on this cuz i never appear practical in the blog!...lollz)
But its nt that...i blog whenever i feel sad...nd as i said in the latest posts....that cuz no-one listens to me.
nd maybe cuz no-one understands me too.
But whenever the sun sets...night comes...i behave weird nd i start feeling for her...i feel that um losing her...maybe some of my friends would steal her from me.
I keep asking myself...what if she falls in love with someone else?
what if i lose her totally?...nd what if she isn't missing me? what if "the right time" fr me doesnt ever come?
But then, um reminded of all the troubles i have been through... all the silliest fight i've fought in the last 3 months of my life..... i forget the tears of the beginning, which dropped frm my eyes reading the texts she sent me.
but i remember the tears born cuz of her(or maybe me) in the last 2-3 days.


The lights of my room are off, my breakfast has been lying on the table from the last 40 minutes.... but i dont feel like switchin on the lights or getting my favorite paneer ka parauntha(beautifully lying in the plate with a big chunk or makhan) into me.

i dont feel anythin... no no no...i dont want to make her cry again by getting hyper...i dont want her to go to others to share our fights....nd get guided by them.

i want that same girl as she was in december. Not talkin to anyone but me...waiting fr me to come online..calling me whenever she was sad. laughing with me.

Talkin to her at that time was just like getting high....it felt good...i forgot all the things i was supposed to do.... work,study,exercise nd everything.

i was spending every hour of my day talkin to her....listening to her sexy voice, sensing her deep feelings for me...sharing everythin with her.

Every secret disclosed.... because she was just the type of girl i have wanted.


But.... its all over now.
i cant hear the same voice laughing, crying thinking that we cant ever meet.
Tears roll down my cheeks listening to Atif, nd comparing the lyrics to my life.
i dont feel like listening to rock now...
i have always been a great fan of rock genre of music...but i dont feel like rocking anymore....

cuz i've lost something precious of my life..... nd i feel like crying on it.

But....its no point crying too.
i know she'll have a new life in this month or next nd forget me....nd i'll lie here thinking of the best moments(that we could never spend together)

Planning of what would i do when i see her(which,practically speaking,is never possible)

But maybe,maybe someday,sometime, my wishes would come true....
or....maybe i'll die dreaming of her nd wanting her more nd more everyday.


Love you loads....

No-one.....

Hey guys.... wassup!.... howz it goin?.... good,i hope.


actually blogging wasn't my cup of tea...until recently, i found out tht there's no one to hear u except ur Blog ;)

Today, as i write this entry,i think that how many of u (if there r any at all!) would be thinking that y am i always so low while writing!..lollz

well, at this point of time, i remember what bro said the other day..... "no one has the time to blog wen he/she's happy!!!!"
My PC says its 12:48PM nd my player is playing aasma's 'tumse hi pyar' a good track.


My mood isn't that great right now... um actually bored of everything... orkut, surfing, games nd have nothin to do at all.

i cnt find a single person to chat with nd share my feelings with in my list.

Songs keep changing, mum keeps screaming, the fone keeps ringing.... but jus don feel like doin anythin...
Boooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggg


See, My bro's here...nd wont allow me to complete the post even.

huh... everyone hates me.... nd ..As if i care.....

IMP

This is important ppl.

anythin that is in this blog is strictly me talkin to myself...its isnt fr anyone/thing.

who's she?

Its not that i love her or something.... its not that i do anything less than love... but still i hate it when i see her flirting... i dunno y... i hate it when she doesnt reply..nd i hate it when she doesnt talk to me the way she talks to others.

In my mind...i jus have a feeling that she is a good friend...nd i won tell her what i feel.
but is it jus another case of love?... or is it something else?

wouldi end up proposing her?... or would i know wat she has for me in the end?
would she also think that she loves me?... nd if she does.... y dont i trust her?

No, it cant be love... cuz love has trust.... understanding.... which we both dont have...she'd talk to anyone(nd especially flirt with anyone around except me)

i've known her for a long time... but i never guess i've had her flirt with me.

but y do i care?

if she's just another frnd...y would i jus care.... or is she not a friend?..is she more to me?

i don know... but i leave these ques. for the future to answer...but until the future answers.... would i be not sleeping like tonight... would i be hating wenever i get to know frm someone that she flirts with them....

if yes, then y?.. who is she?...what is she to me?

My love...or just another person in my life?

Wen we meet

I want her, I need her...and someday, some way, I'll meet her

She'll be kinda shy....nd real good lookin too....nd yea, I'll be certain she's my girl..

like walkin' in the rain nd wishin' on the stars up above nd that'd be the feelin of being in love
When she'd near me, I'll kiss her.....nd when she leaves me, I'll miss her
Though sometimes we'll fight nd i'd not prack her...cuz i know she loves me so much nd she would be alright in an hour or two :P....... Cause we got so much to share

She'll be cuter than the average girl i see.... nd would be lovely to keep looking at.

Though i'd make it sure that she doesnt get bored :P..... i'll love her....love her with all my heart.
nd she wont be one of those temporary-girls of mine.

but she'd be one angel...who'd take away my breath... nd leave me wanting her more.....


um eagerly waiting to meet her sometime... nd wen i do...i'll make sure to post bout the best day of my life... :)

title doesnt matter!

I have been searching of that LOVE all my life...{Nd before anyone of u starts takin hints,um not at all one of the despo kinds....}
Its just that i love love!....nd i love being in love.

As most of u dont know that um damn unpredictable.
i can wish of being single wen i have a partner nd i can wish of having someone who loves me wen um single.

Um not one of those who'll keep following the suit nd sit in peace.
i eagerly search for satisfaction nd peace in my life....
nd mostly my posts show that...i start with somethin nd end at something else...
I actually sat tonight thinking of posting something fr my love(known love or unknown....this is yet unknown!)

but wateva...um determined to write fr my dreamgirl(I seriously dont remember the face :|)



How is it possible,my love, that i havent ever seen you nd still i feel ur pain?
confusing is this love..nd confusing is our story.... though u never come in reality...u always stop me frm getting serious with anyone....
y do i feel that u need me....damn!...y do i come online wenever i feel like meeting u!!!

ur strange, my love, cuz u never come and meet me... nd ur unique too, cuz i write fr u everyday.
Y do i flirt when ur still their in my dreams? nd y am i not studying at this time?
y dont u jus........

i've seen u sad fr me..... but y?
oh baby.... just look into my eyes..once.
jus give all ur worries to me...and then smile .... bring that smile on ur face which made me fall in love with u at day 1. Bring that smile which makes me fall in love with you every time i see u.

i cnt live now....i cnt...when ur not with me.
this is when i sit in my room thinking of u...killing the time nd gradually making the hours disapper...nd then i wish to enter that world...in which u live in.....nd i open my arms...to welcome u.

its all to the hilt now.
My heart beats with ur thoughts.... honey um mad to see u now.

i can leave my world to come to u....nd live with u.

But then... maybe i cant meet u in this real world...or maybe i can....let's see wat destiny has in store fr us...

Me

The gate to my heart is closed.... nd maybe closed fr me too..cuz i don know wat do i want frm life
i don know whom i love...
i don know whether or not um exploring the right lane..
But i can't escape from one truth... i.e. um too lazy to even think about myself.
Things in my life are never planned... never organized...
The other day..i woke up bathed.. turned on my PC.. felt like making a resume.. made it.. got it printed and went out... for an interview!!??!!!!

Mid way to the call centre i was wondering that what had made me come for an interview...i knew even i dint know the answer... i walked up the stairs and at the reception said, 'Um here for the interview'...(i know these call centres need executives at every time of the year!)
So there i was sitting, for the first ever interview of my life, unprepared and clueless of what to say.
But... i went in with less nervousness...for a change!
Hopefully there was nothing much in the interview... just an introduction and 2-3 general questions... it seemed a normal conversation with a lady.
and i was selected... (See... its so easy!)

okay.. so there's no motive behind writing this... wrote it...just cuz i was getting bored!.. he he

no personal grudges against u... as i always say... i had no intentions!!!

You...

Apart from you, I won't desire anything;
I will love you as long as I live.



My eyes long to behold you.
My heart longs to love you.
I'll forever remain immersed in devotion to you.
How shall I explain to you the state of my heart!
this body of yours will become fragrant,
such mischief will I play with my eyes.

You've settled me in your heart;
you've made me worthy of love.
If I don't meet you, I won't be able to go on living.
Who can I tell about where my heart has found harbor?
Whatever punishment God gives me,
whatever punishment God gives me is acceptable,
since I now make you my object of worship.

It will be easy to forget you...

It will be easy to forget you...
I just can't look to the sky
or even remember the sea...
I'll just have to stop dreaming
and learn how to be alone...
I know I'll forget you..
I just can't remember your smile..
your beautiful eyes,
your sweet mouth...
I can do it,
I know I can...
I just can't look to anything,
I just can't remember,
I just can't live...
or love...
I'll forget how important you are on my life...
I'll just have to forget myself...

Feelings...

Heart battered and torn,
Emotions are worn,
Tears running,
No end,
Nothing to depend.
Pain that is real
Clearly reveal:
Attachments by one;
Returned by none.

Egos are bruised,
Feelings abused,
Dreams that are crushed
By actions too rushed.
Alone without care,
Everyone aware:
Troubled heart,
Not so very smart.

Facts all too clear,
Ending so near,
Longing to stay,
But forced away.
Pleading, hope,
Unable to cope;
Cry me a river
And don't let me shiver
Without you there's no
More places to go.

How To Fight Proof Your Relationships

Ok - so maybe you can't really fight proof your relationships.
(and who doesn't love when a little spark turns into some real 'make-up' heat?:)

But what you CAN do is cut down your tendency to tiff and speed up the turnaround time from mad to madly in love. You just remember one thing:

It's takes two to fight and one to end the fight. Simple as that.

You see, most of us are so invested in how *right* we are about how *wrong* the other person is that we totally forget we have the option to apologize (and mean it) and get right back into the flow of our relationships.

A real apology costs NOTHING but can produce an instant experience of aliveness, well-being, love and partnership that is truly PRICELESS.

And let's get real: life is WAY too short to hang on to anger, resentment, and being *right*. Last time I checked, we ain't gettin' any younger if you know what I mean...

Here's the bottom line. You can be *right* or you can be happy. You can't be both. When you're *right* and someone else is *wrong* - there's no real win for you. Someone you love (and you too, if you tell the truth) feels crappy about the whole thing.

Let's face it. We're all human which means we tend to say or do unkind things to one another (yes - even you :-) every now and then.

Even if you think you didn't do anything *wrong* but someone you love thinks you did, isn't an apology worth some happiness in your life?

Remember this email next time to want to stomp around, kick something or cross your arms in a huff over a fight.

It takes two to fight and one to end the fight.

Let that one be you.
-Marie Forleo

This one's for you, My love...

Apart from you, I won't desire anything;
I will love you as long as I live.



My eyes long to behold you.
My heart longs to love you.
I'll forever remain immersed in devotion to you.
How shall I explain to you the state of my heart!
this body of yours will become fragrant,
such mischief will I play with my eyes.

You've settled me in your heart;
you've made me worthy of love.
If I don't meet you, I won't be able to go on living.
Who can I tell about where my heart has found harbor?
Whatever punishment God gives me,
whatever punishment God gives me is acceptable,
since I now make you my object of worship.